April 7, 2010
I miss you & me. I miss how we used to be. Stay up for hours at night, like it didn't matter what time we went to bed. . .Rather it'd be 2 or 4 a.m. It was nice to stay up late & talk about everything. I loved that, but I guess everything has changed now. . .Like you don't care what goes or I how I feel about whatever...Dull, stale, & broken. Like we were never meant to be nor anything else. You do things like you don't care. . .You say things you are unsure about. . .You're down & depressed & stressed. . .I try to say things that will hopefully turn you around, but I guess if you go around & act like everything is cool, but it's not. . . .I guess I'm wasting my time on you. You matter when you thought you didn't in the slightest ways possible. I loved you no matter what. But I guess my trying was useless & I'm not worth your time to be talking you. If you don't care, why should I? Right, because that's how it goes & it's life. . .Blah, blah, blah...Too bad I don't think like that. As everyone has always told me, "You'll get over it." I know deep down inside me that I won't. . . .I'll double think everything we talked about, I'll get frustrated when I think about you, I'll go back in time in my head over & over again. . .Getting over it just doesn't seem right to me....It's unfair, unheartfelt, & it hurts too damn much. . . .
I always loved you & always will.
No matter what.
~ <3 ~
(-<) <3 :)
Posted by samvv. Posted In : Romance/Relationships
March 1, 2010
For over a week & a half I've wanted nothing more, but to talk to you...It worries me when I don't. . .Like if we go a day w/out talking to one another & I don't know anything before hand...I'll start to wonder if it was something I did or something else. . .I don't like that feeling. . .It makes my heart panic when I get that feeling...Not cool. . .In fact at times that can get a tad bit irritating for me...I don't like being clueless...I hate it, because in a quick instant I can become your... Continue reading...
Posted by Samvv. Posted In : Romance/Relationships
March 1, 2010
Since last weeks bull$#!% & myself having nothing but nightmares. . .I can't say enough but to scream in my mind & want nothing more but to be free from my nightmares. . . .The thought of a sex change doesn't leave me. Instead it haunts me as I try & sleep through the night...I do nothing, but toss & turn waking up almost every 10 minutes about 2-3 hrs a night. . .At times I can't drive myself back to sleep & I hate it...I wake up w/ heart pounding nightmares wondering if I'll die in my s... Continue reading...
Posted by Samvv. Posted In : Emotions
February 19, 2010
I sit here & think to myself over & over again as to how I will live my life & who I will be in the years to come. Not that I hate who I am. It's just what I am I highly dislike. Every day I stare down at my female form & wonder what it'd be like to be a man & have everything they do. I look at my chest & say, "This would be why I cannot go topless in the world." I hate that fact! It ridiculious! Men can go topless & women can go bottomless! Absolutely profound! I've had the sex ch... Continue reading...
Posted by samvv. Posted In : What's on my mind
August 12, 2009
OK so here's how my day went.
Ryan Barstow & I left the house at 2:17a.m. this moring to go for a walk. I then asked if he wanted to go to WAL-MART & he said ok. We were walking on Green RD. Headed for Highway/Interstate 12. Yes it's illegal to be walking down an Interstate, but it's the only way I knew. Anywho. We got on 12 walking on the on coming traffic side. We walk about a mile & walk under a steal bridge. We here a clinging sound, looked at each and asked "What was that?" Neither one of... Continue reading...
Posted by Samvv. Posted In : Randomness
June 18, 2009
Wow, it's been almost a month since I was last on here. HAHA!!!
Details below!! haha!!
Last day of school was awesome!! Along w/ the Picnic & two other days we had at MECAS!! Very fun guys!! Thanks for everything though! Jane, JoAnne, Heidi, & Lance I had an awesome time!!! Best year ever for school!!! Thank you once again!!
Ok it's June & it's almost over w/ already!! SWEETNESS!! My plans I hope will go well!! Moving, 4th of July, Six Flags, maybe some cycling trips on GOOD WEATHER!! ... Continue reading...
Posted by samvv. Posted In : What's on my mind
May 21, 2009
Went to a movie today & it stunk. . .Somewhat funny, but whatever...I went to KANDU yesterday & it was AWESOME!! If you don't know about KANDU, it's a volunteer place for people w/ disabilities & people who need some extra cash or want to help out. They put together small parts for different companies & package food into these small bags. They pack dried veggies, soy, rice, & chicken flavor w/ 12 vitamins in it into small bags that have to weigh between 395-405oz. The stuff in the bags is... Continue reading...
Posted by Samvv. Posted In : What's on my mind
May 14, 2009
Well, I did some research on Wedensday & printed out 8 pages of stuff, but I will doing a lot of research on just about anything atm. I'm planning for a GLBT Group hopefully for my finally year in h.s. I'm hoping I'll have help doing the research & not doing it alone, but if I have to I will. I will do everything myself. Research it, plan it, write, & type it. Who knows what I'll come up w/. I'll figure something out. I always do.
Road trips to Madison, LGBT, GLBT, Pride Fest, & etc wil... Continue reading...
Posted by Samvv. Posted In : Politics/Rights/Groups
May 13, 2009
I won't lie to myself, because that's the truth. Rather or not I like it. I thought about a sex change for years & it still comes to mind. At this moment there's only one person that already knows this. I will not say, because she knows who she is. I haven't told anyone else yet either. .but I guess when I have the guts to tell I will. . But until then it stays locked inside of me. Yes, I am a lesbian, but I'm also something else & have known it for years on end. If I said I was two th... Continue reading...
Posted by Samvv. Posted In : What's on my mind
May 5, 2009
I feel so strange,
I must have went through a change,
Last time I saw you,
You were said to be blue,
There's said to be something black,
Walking at night you begin to slack,
You're looking for something in the lost & found,
You think it could be laying around,
I live in a small town,
Yet I feel like falling down,
I sit & stare with all my might,
The last thing I wanted was a fight,
I want to leave this state,
Forever & never come back, because I have no fate,
There's a test I should take,
Should I rest, bec... Continue reading...
Posted by samvv. Posted In : Poetry
I'll be posting daily. If anybody has any questions feel free to email me @ cool_gothic_girl@hotmail.com
I'll be changing this daily adding more things, making it changes to the size & such!!!
Thanks!! Peace Out!! (-<) |
About Me
| Sammie Vander Veen |
| Pell Lake, Wi |
So much for figuring out things, when I barely have time to wake up & smell the coffee. . .Headed for a downhill crash is what I'm in for. . .
(-<) <3 :)
|
|
