I miss you & me. I miss how we used to be. Stay up for hours at night, like it didn't matter what time we went to bed. . .Rather it'd be 2 or 4 a.m. It was nice to stay up late & talk about everything. I loved that, but I guess everything has changed now. . .Like you don't care what goes or I how I feel about whatever...Dull, stale, & broken. Like we were never meant to be nor anything else. You do things like you don't care. . .You say things you are unsure about. . .You're down & depr... Continue reading ...
For over a week & a half I've wanted nothing more, but to talk to you...It worries me when I don't. . .Like if we go a day w/out talking to one another & I don't know anything before hand...I'll start to wonder if it was something I did or something else. . .I don't like that feeling. . .It makes my heart panic when I get that feeling...Not cool. . .In fact at times that can get a tad bit irritating for me...I don't like being clueless...I hate it, because in a quick instant I can become your... Continue reading ...
Posted by Samvv on Monday, March 1, 2010,
In :
Emotions
Since last weeks bull$#!% & myself having nothing but nightmares. . .I can't say enough but to scream in my mind & want nothing more but to be free from my nightmares. . . .The thought of a sex change doesn't leave me. Instead it haunts me as I try & sleep through the night...I do nothing, but toss & turn waking up almost every 10 minutes about 2-3 hrs a night. . .At times I can't drive myself back to sleep & I hate it...I wake up w/ heart pounding nightmares wondering if I'll die in my s... Continue reading ...
I sit here & think to myself over & over again as to how I will live my life & who I will be in the years to come. Not that I hate who I am. It's just what I am I highly dislike. Every day I stare down at my female form & wonder what it'd be like to be a man & have everything they do. I look at my chest & say, "This would be why I cannot go topless in the world." I hate that fact! It ridiculious! Men can go topless & women can go bottomless! Absolutely profound! I've had the sex ch... Continue reading ...
Posted by Samvv on Wednesday, August 12, 2009,
In :
Randomness
OK so here's how my day went.
Ryan Barstow & I left the house at 2:17a.m. this moring to go for a walk. I then asked if he wanted to go to WAL-MART & he said ok. We were walking on Green RD. Headed for Highway/Interstate 12. Yes it's illegal to be walking down an Interstate, but it's the only way I knew. Anywho. We got on 12 walking on the on coming traffic side. We walk about a mile & walk under a steal bridge. We here a clinging sound, looked at each and asked "What was that?" Neither one of... Continue reading ...
Wow, it's been almost a month since I was last on here. HAHA!!!
Details below!! haha!!
Last day of school was awesome!! Along w/ the Picnic & two other days we had at MECAS!! Very fun guys!! Thanks for everything though! Jane, JoAnne, Heidi, & Lance I had an awesome time!!! Best year ever for school!!! Thank you once again!!
Ok it's June & it's almost over w/ already!! SWEETNESS!! My plans I hope will go well!! Moving, 4th of July, Six Flags, maybe some cycling trips on GOOD WEATHER!! ... Continue reading ...
Went to a movie today & it stunk. . .Somewhat funny, but whatever...I went to KANDU yesterday & it was AWESOME!! If you don't know about KANDU, it's a volunteer place for people w/ disabilities & people who need some extra cash or want to help out. They put together small parts for different companies & package food into these small bags. They pack dried veggies, soy, rice, & chicken flavor w/ 12 vitamins in it into small bags that have to weigh between 395-405oz. The stuff in the bags is... Continue reading ...
Well, I did some research on Wedensday & printed out 8 pages of stuff, but I will doing a lot of research on just about anything atm. I'm planning for a GLBT Group hopefully for my finally year in h.s. I'm hoping I'll have help doing the research & not doing it alone, but if I have to I will. I will do everything myself. Research it, plan it, write, & type it. Who knows what I'll come up w/. I'll figure something out. I always do.
Road trips to Madison, LGBT, GLBT, Pride Fest, & etc wil... Continue reading ...
I won't lie to myself, because that's the truth. Rather or not I like it. I thought about a sex change for years & it still comes to mind. At this moment there's only one person that already knows this. I will not say, because she knows who she is. I haven't told anyone else yet either. .but I guess when I have the guts to tell I will. . But until then it stays locked inside of me. Yes, I am a lesbian, but I'm also something else & have known it for years on end. If I said I was two th... Continue reading ...
Posted by samvv on Tuesday, May 5, 2009,
In :
Poetry
I feel so strange,
I must have went through a change,
Last time I saw you,
You were said to be blue,
There's said to be something black,
Walking at night you begin to slack,
You're looking for something in the lost & found,
You think it could be laying around,
I live in a small town,
Yet I feel like falling down,
I sit & stare with all my might,
The last thing I wanted was a fight,
I want to leave this state,
Forever & never come back, because I have no fate,
There's a test I should take,
Should I rest, bec... Continue reading ...
Posted by samvv on Tuesday, May 5, 2009,
In :
Poetry
The room is so dark,
The dogs love to bark,
Going into the night,
When it's starting to become light,
The color blue maybe you,
But you know I love you too,
Things are good so you hop on a train,
When you get off it starts to rain,
You are in so much pain,
There is nothing to lose or gain,
You love to say please,
Someone loves to tease,
You are almost seventeen,
One more year & you're no longer a teen,
You want to be cool,
But they give you a hard time in school,
The road you're on is starting to get rough,
Y... Continue reading ...
Posted by samvv on Tuesday, May 5, 2009,
In :
Poetry
The day I rest,
Could be for the best,
Losing all my love,
I flew up above,
When there was day,
I didn't know what to say,
Wishing I had gone on a train,
I left behind all of my pain,
If there is light,
Why do we fight,
Everything is going yet so slow,
I feel like I have no flow,
I wouldn't be sick,
If your love wasn't so thick,
I wish you were here,
It's sad that we can't meet anywhere,
If only some people could see,
That you and I were meant to be,
It's sad & all that nobody can see I being your wife,
Yet I'm... Continue reading ...
Posted by samvv on Tuesday, May 5, 2009,
In :
Poetry
There is a black soul in everyone,
If only we could avoid them,
We could live a happier life,
Some of us are slaves in being a wife,
When we want to be free,
The people we love cannot see,
If only they knew what we thought,
Then maybe we wouldn't be sold and bought,
Our lives are like a golden stream,
Even though what they are may not seem,
Some may seem to care,
If they do why do they stand and stare,
Do they like who you are,
Or is it because they live so far,
Some may care more than others,
We know we lo... Continue reading ...
Posted by samvv on Tuesday, May 5, 2009,
In :
Poetry
Sometimes I want to soar,
I love you so much more,
More than you'll ever know,
I feel like time is going so slow,
I want you so bad,
It just makes me so sad,
I fall apart and cry,
Wishing we hadn't said good-bye,
I wish I had my phone line,
That way you'll always be mine,
I wish I could go my way,
Instead I sadly wish and pray,
I feel my heart getting tight,
I know I'm losing all my might,
Why can't I stay,
Knowing you're so far away,
Wishing i could save every little dime,
Yet I have the least amount of time... Continue reading ...
Posted by Samvv on Tuesday, May 5, 2009,
In :
Poetry
The world goes around and around,
Sometimes what we see can never be found,
You think you're so lucky,
When all you've won is a rubber ducky,
You got scared when someone touches you,
You can't think & you don't know what to do,
You're so grey and brown,
You stare at me with your frown,
You have a cage,
You're full of rage,
You want a wheel,
You're so bored,
Fun is what so real,
Not enough is stored,
All you want to do is have some fun,
In your cage there's not enough room to run,
You're so cuddly and cute,
Yo... Continue reading ...
Posted by Samvv on Tuesday, May 5, 2009,
In :
Poetry
I feel so sick,
I don't know who to pick,
I feel so angry and sad,
I want to blow up and be bad,
What I feel,
Couldn't possibly be real,
What I think,
Makes me want to sink,
You look at me like I'm crazy,
All you see is me being lazy,
Wishing I had a life,
Wishing I could be my lovers wife,
My tears could be so fake,
What I feel is at stake,
I'm so lonely and mean,
I'm so young and still a teen,
What you done and said,
I am hurting and lying in bed.
Continue reading ...
Posted by Samvv on Tuesday, May 5, 2009,
In :
Poetry
You feel so hurt and torn,
You want to flirt, but there's a thorn,
You feel so out of place,
All they're looking for is a race,
Your face gets down and tight,
You're thinking of taking a flight,
What can you tell,
If there's nothing to sell,
If there was something in the past,
Would you make it last,
What would it be,
Something you could not see,
Something is blue,
Is it really you,
If there is something sweet,
Why can't we meet,
My heart feels so black,
All your love is what I lack,
You give it all your best,... Continue reading ...
Posted by Samvv on Tuesday, May 5, 2009,
In :
Poetry
I'm miserable,
I'm terrible,
Without you,
I don't know who I am,
I need you,
Life isn't complete without you,
I cry & cry,
until there's no more,
I don't know what to do,
without you,
You make me beat,
with all the heat,
even on my feet,
I can't take the heat,
until there's a beat,
My heart has a thorn,
I think it's torn.
I had a chance,
now I can't prance,
I'm not a happy girl, without you.
Continue reading ...
Posted by Samvv on Tuesday, May 5, 2009,
In :
Poetry
I'm just not happy,
I want to be yappy,
I am sad,
I am not mad,
For the things I do,
I still love you too,
I am blue,
I don't know about you,
The sky is dark,
and there you bark,
I feel rare,
but I don't want to be bare,
I feel like a dare,
that isn't fair,
Light is turning into night,
Love is straining all of the above,
The sun is going down,
I still carry a frown,
Is love the way to go,
or should I unplug the flow?
Continue reading ...
Posted by Samvv on Tuesday, May 5, 2009,
In :
Poetry
Life is tough & it's rough.
When it stops, nobody knows,
even when it still flows.
People ask how I'm doen,
there not sure, if I'm foolen.
I can be twice as nice,
I can be a mean machine.
Nobody knows how I feel,
even when it's real.
It's like honestly,
who cares right? Wrong!
People do care, but who?
When you're lonely,
you want friends,
but it hurts when it bends.
Life doesn't matter,
even when people chatter. Continue reading ...
Posted by Samantha Vander Veen on Tuesday, May 5, 2009,
In :
Poetry
Life is depressing & stressing.
There's always these what ifs,
& sometimes there are cliffs.
Does life get easy or hard?
How long will it last,
before the end has past?
Why do we die?
Oh God, please tell us why?
I know there's a reason,
but some have no treason. Continue reading ...
Posted by Samantha Vander Veen on Tuesday, May 5, 2009,
In :
Poetry
I'm stressed & depressed,
My life is being thrown away, what am I going to say,
School is really cool, but it doesn't always rule,
I've gotten bored, too much is stored,
I can't write, because there's too much light,
My brain is killing me, I'll guess I'll have to see,
I'm trying to find something in the back of my mind,
I think that's it for now, I might as well take a bow. Continue reading ...
Posted by Samantha Vander on Tuesday, May 5, 2009,
In :
Randomness
I'm hoping I did this right!!! Continue reading ...
I'll be posting daily. If anybody has any questions feel free to email me @ cool_gothic_girl@hotmail.com
I'll be changing this daily adding more things, making it changes to the size & such!!!
Thanks!! Peace Out!! (-<) |
About Me
| Sammie Vander Veen |
| Pell Lake, Wi |
So much for figuring out things, when I barely have time to wake up & smell the coffee. . .Headed for a downhill crash is what I'm in for. . .
(-<) <3 :)
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